how to let go of love
Self-development

10 Effective Tips On How To Let Go Of Love Which Gets Toxic

Why let go of love?

how to let go of love

Love is a beautiful thing so it is always a sad feeling when we might be forced to let it go.

When love becomes more toxic than beneficial.

Then it comes time to love from afar or like most of us will prefer not to love them at all.

Whatever the case we all believe and rightly so that it hurts less when we let go.

When we stop holding on to someone who doesn’t give us the love we deserve.

How to let go of love

how to let go of love

1. Recognize the end

Firstly we need to notice when it is time to end things.

It is important to be hopeful.

It is nice to hope that one day things might change for the better but we need to be able to notice when you need to give up on the hope for change.

You need to see that it is time to end things when the only one changing is you.

Changing into someone you find it hard to recognize.

At that point when you recognize it and are willing to stop chasing, we can now begin our process of letting go.

2.  Be optimistic about the future

Letting go of love is a very hard thing to do, so to keep us going during this tough time being optimistic about the future is a great way to keep going.

Being sure of a better future without that love will give us the power to work hard towards letting go.

What you can do is close your eyes and think of

  •  The future you have always wanted
  •  The kind of love you have always wanted
  •  The kind of person you have always wanted to be.

All that is possible only if you let go.

3. Think About Why You are Holding On

Now let’s begin the process proper of letting go of love by reflecting on our why.

Why are we holding on to a love which brings us more hurt than joy?

Be honest to yourself, brutally honest, I will suggest, at times like this we really need it.

Is it the fear of the unknown ( it is on the other side of that fear that we will find the beautiful future we long for ).

Are you holding on to the memory of who he/she used to be at the beginning of your relationship and hoping you get that back someday ( well like Oprah says when people show you, who they really are, believe them ).

Why are you holding on?

Take some time and deeply reflect on this, you might want to write it down, that always brings more clarity. 

4. Demolish The Bridge Behind You

In 1519 AD, during the Spanish conquest of MexicoHernán Cortés, the Spanish commander, destroyed his ships so that his men would have to conquer or die.

We need to destroy all ways in which we can go back to that love.

I like to see not being able to let go of a certain love like an addiction.

And like an addiction when the addict decides to get clean, the first step is getting rid of all the drugs, cutting contact with all suppliers and avoiding environments or situations which lead to drug use.

This is how an addict demolishes the bridges behind him, the bridges which led to his addiction.

Like the Spanish commander, we need to make the only choice available be moving forward away from that love, we either succeed or die trying.

Delete and block his number, get rid of all pictures, delete all messages, block him on all social media platforms,…

Just whatever you need to do from being tempted to going back to him.

You need to do all this because like an addict you actually still love your source of grief.

5. Build a bridge

After demolishing all bridges leading back now we behind building bridges to help us move forward.

  • We could create support systems, friends who will help us stay away.
  • Taking up activities which help keep our mind from thinking about them could also help.
  • Building healthy habits which help us increase our self worth and confidence.
  • Regular talks with loved ones which help us remember we still have love in our life.

Just anything which will make our moving forward less challenging.

6. The Only one you can control is you

True we have thought about the awesome future which awaits, we have reflected about our whys, demolished bridges and built some but yet we still find it hard to let go of this love.

We are still thinking about why they couldn’t reciprocate the love you felt for them.

We might even start thinking the was something more you could have done to make them love you.

But the truth is people who don’t care about you do what they want no matter what you do.

You could bend over, give them your all but yet they don’t still show you the love you deserve.

Several years ago my family was scarred by the passing away of a relative who loved a man enough to sacrifice her life for this love, a man who played a key role in her end.

When this happened it taught us all that when someone loves you they love you and that is not dependent on your perfection and when they don’t, there is nothing you can do to change or control them.

The only person you can control is you.

You can control the decisions you make and how you respond to certain actions.

You can choose to keep holding on to a fruitless love or keep striving your hardest to let go.

7. Acceptance

After we have acknowledged that there is nothing you could have done to change or control them and your commitment to let go has been amplified, let’s move on to the next step.

The next step on how to let go of love is acceptance.

Accepting that they never loved you as you wished they would.

They never loved you even though they said they did, their actions proved otherwise.

We need to accept that they are not who we would have wanted them to be.

Who they really are is not the type of person you will describe as your dream partner.

After we accept all we need to, we can then proceed to look for the new doors that are opening due to the closing of this one.

8. Look for the new door that open

What are there new opportunities that are now available to you because you took this step?

This might be hard to see because if we are being real we might still be hurting at this point.

We might still find it hard to believe better awaits, so let me help you point out some of the doors that are ahead of you.

Advantages of letting go of love

1. You become clear about who you really are.

2. You get to move forward easier without anything dragging you back.

3. You get to something better installed for you

4. You can now focus your energy on better and more beneficial things.

5. You are letting go of a love which had no positive impact on you to find one which does.

6. You are creating room for someone better to walk in.

9. Keep the good memories

I strongly believe every bad experience has something to learn from, even a terrible love.

So it will be really wise for us to keep does teaching moments.

We need to remember what made us know this wasn’t the one for us.

What are some early signs we missed or overlooked?

We need to keep this all so we stay wiser.

10. Give Yourself time

It is only right we realize that all good things take time.

The fact that it is not happening in the now is no sign that you should quit.

It might still hurt, you might still wish it all work out, you might even still want to go back to that love and try harder.

Right now you are not sure making the decision to let go was the right thing to do.

Well here is one thing you can be sure of;

In some months, a year or more from now, you will be very proud of yourself and thankful to your past self for holding on and getting you to a position which you always longed for.

The better partner, the better life, the better you, all this will happen if you just give it time.

Healthy ways to be alone after a heartbreak

Quotes About Letting Go Of Love

1. Holding on is believing that there’s a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.
—Daphne Rose Kingma

2. Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.
—Hermann Hesse

3. Never love something so much that you can’t let go of it.
—Ginni Rometty

4. I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.
—Jeffrey McDaniel

5. I think that you never fall out of love with somebody, you just let go and move on.
—Ashley Rickards

6. Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.
—Guy Finley

7. There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go.
–Jessica Hatchigan

8. The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did.
—Faraaz Kazi

9. Pain will leave you when you let go.
—Jeremy Aldana

10. I think every girl has that a guy she has trouble letting go of.
—Rashida Jones

11. When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
–Lao Tzu

12. Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.
—Steve Maraboli

13. Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
—Oprah Winfrey

14. The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.
—Steve Maraboli

15. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
–Justin Timberlake

16. Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you’ll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You’ll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival.
—Osho

17. Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
–Leo Buscaglia

18. Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.
—Deborah Reber

19. Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.
—Stephen King

20. I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It’s okay if you have to leave us. It’s okay if you want to stop fighting.
—Gayle Forman

21. It’s hard to be clear about who you are when you are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. I’ve learned to let go and move more quickly into the next place.
—Angelina Jolie

22. If you didn’t love him, this never would have happened. But you did. And accepting that love and everything that followed it is part of letting it go.
—Sarah Dessen

23. There’s a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over – and to let go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its value.
—Ellen Goodman

24. I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.
—Fridtjof Nansen

25. The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.
—Tammara Webber

26. Change can be good but its always tough to let go of the past
—Emily Giffin

27. I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I’m done, I’m done.
—Turcois Ominek

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