Warning: you might need some time to grieve before reading this article on how to proceed to make the best of your breakup experience.
This list of video will help you during this grieving process.
Yes breakUps suck but let’s look at the Brightside
Before we dive into how to live after a breakup, I will like to begin by shifting our minds to the positive of our present situation.
Breakups hurt but losing someone who doesn’t respect and appreciate you is actually a gain, not a loss.
No relationship is ever a waste of your time. If it didn’t bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want.
Stars can’t shine without darkness
Focus On Bettering Yourself
As we discussed yesterday, the best way to move on from a breakup is focusing on you.
That is, becoming the best version of yourself.
I know it can be really hard.
Today, I really struggled to get out of bed.
I started feeling better as the day went on but a few minutes ago, I was overwhelmed with so many sad emotions, trying to hold back tears
But I am trying to push forward because I strongly believe it is the right thing to do.
Mostly for myself.
Because the only way to become the best version of myself is to do the work needed to accomplish this goal.
So today we will be talking about how to do just that.
How To Live After A Breakup
So let’s remember our goal is not just moving on but moving on to greater heights.
We are committed to taking up activities which will;
- Restore our self-worth.
- Get our minds off our ex.
- Help us become the best version of ourselves
The is a high probability this will attract our exes back to us but even if it doesn’t, you still win a better version of someone who will always be with you.
1. What are your goals?
Begin with the end in mind.
So before we set any actions in motion, lets first set our goals.
But first, let’s talk some more about some of the importance of setting goals
The importance of having goals
We can’t begin our journey without an idea of the destination we are trying to reach.
We might not know how to get there.
That we can figure out along the way but we must know our destination in order to work out our how.
Setting and reminding ourselves of our goals also helps keeps us stay focused on the prize.
Now more than ever we need something to focus on.
Our goals will help us stay accountable.
Writing them down helps clarify the picture of what we really want.
How to determine your goals
Now we know how important it is to set our goals.
Our next question might be, how do we know the right goals to set?
The goals which will bring out the best in us.
We can know this by answering any of the following questions
- What do you want to accomplish?
- What will make you feel fulfilled?
- Where can you channel the intense emotions you are feeling?
- What have you always wanted to do but you hesitated?
- What brings you the greatest joy?
Reflecting on these questions gets you a step closer to knowing what you really want.
In case you face any difficulties getting an answer to these questions, this goal setting guides from a very successful blogger, Nadalie Bardo will be very helpful to get you started.
These guides include a quiz with thought-provoking questions, a worksheet which helps you keep track of your goals, a goal setting masterclass and a course which goes into details about efficient goal planning.
- FREE What Should Your Goals Be? Quiz
- FREE #GoalSlayer Masterclass (Hosted LIVE first week of every month)
- Slay Your Goals Planner
- FREE Slay Your Goals Guide
- FREE SMART Goals Worksheet
- NEW! Goal Setting 101 eCourse
Lots to choose from.
Many options to help you get it right.
2. What habits do you need to develop?
Now we have our goals all written down, we are ready to proceed with the HOW
How do we achieve our goals?
If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.
Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
George Washington Carver
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
So as the highly successful people mentioned above, forming habits are very important in order to achieve our goals.
Some habits you need to form depends on your specific goals but some are general habits.
Habits which are very important for the attainment of any goals.
Meditation is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic goodness of what we have and who we are, and of realizing that any wisdom that exists, exists in what we already have. We can lead our life so as to become more awake to who we are and what we’re doing rather than trying to improve or change or get rid of who we are or what we’re doing. The key is to wake up, to become more alert, more inquisitive and curious about ourselves.
You might want to try out guided meditation, which focuses on healing after a breakup.
Here is the one I tried which left me in a better state of mind.
Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states.
Exercising and working towards attaining the body you always wanted is an incredible way to keep your self-confidence on point.
A healthy diet is a solution to many of our health-care problems. It’s the most important solution.
I love hearing stories about people who have been able to change their terrible health situations just by becoming more conscious about what they eat.
Eating right gives you the energy and health you need to work hard towards accomplishing your goals.
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
Reading introduces you to the world of possibility.
If you are like me and can’t find the patience to read, audiobooks are just what you need.
Combining listening to podcasts or audiobooks with doing chores at home not only increases my knowledge but also keeps my mind away from focusing on my ex.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
– Melody Beattie
Be grateful for the love you still have in your life and work hard toward keeping that.
Be grateful for the so many privileges you have and might take for granted.
I really do believe we all can name at least 10 things we can be grateful for today.
If you don’t think so, Checkout my list of 12 relatable things I am grateful for, I am certain we will find something to add to your list. Something, you might have underlooked.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
There are so many times you will not feel like getting up and doing what needs to be done, even on those days, you still need to get up and do what needs to be done.
Trust me, I do know it is easier said than done.
But once you get started and get things done you will feel so much better about yourself than if you stayed in bed.
In fact we often times regret staying in bed which makes us feel terrible about ourselves.
Which is something we don’t need at this point in our life when we might be feeling very insecure.
The five-second rule by Mel Robbins gives us an awesome tip on getting ourselves to make the first step necessary.
3. What actions do you need to take?
You cannot score a goal when you are sitting on the bench. To do so, you have to dress up and enter the game.
~ Israelmore Ayivor
So now that we have our goals all written down and we are striving to form winning habits, let’s take it a step further and act.
Action is the only way we will get the things done which will help us raise our self-worth.
Action is what will get our ex off our mind.
We will all agree that the highest time we think of our lost love is when we are idling around.
And since our major goal after a break up is getting our ex off our mind, action is what will save us.
But in order for us to come out of this winning, we need to do the right actions, not;
- Getting high
- Using drugs
- Getting drunk
Yes the above will help us forget at times even more efficiently and quicker than productive actions (meditation,…)
But these are all short lived
In fact let’s watch this video from a renowned love coach Matthew Hussey, telling us what not to do after a breakup.
In this video , he tells us what not to do and does a better job at explaing the horrible side effects.
Let’s try to keep the positive vibe
Now we have spoken about how to live after a breakup, the 3 major steps we need to follow.
And I know it is really difficult to stay positive during this time but this is the best way to go.
This is the state of mind which will lead us to the right actions to get the right feedback.
The positive state of mind might even inspire you to dig into the pain you are feeling , in order to produce arts which is healing.
Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them.
Let’s turn our sorrow into treasured goal.
One of my favorite break up song is by Adele, rolling in the deep because of this line.
Turn my sorrow into treasure gold.
This really hits me especially because it is coming from Adele.
Who publicly sings about her heartbreaks and struggles in relationships.
Songs which mostly have millions, sometimes billions of hits.
She is loved by many and she is filthy rich because she shares her pain in a way which is easy to digest and love.
She literally makes gold ( money) from her sorrow, so does Taylor swift ( I wrote a poem to express my hurt )
Now I am not saying you have to be a musician to make use of your sorrow.
but I am saying , we all can accomplish greatness from our inert potentials
And immediately after a breakup is the perfect time to begin.
So let’s do it, let’s be legendary
I will like to hear from you, what other effective ways did you handle your breakup, what is the greatest challange you are facing after the break?