how to build self esteem and confidence

11 Life- Changing Ways On How To Build Your Self Esteem And Confidence

Keep Your Head High

girl keeping her head up, how to build your self esteem and confidence

So let’s talk about how to build our self-confidence, even when,

The ups and downs keep coming.

Sometimes life gives us so much heartbreak.

But as Arianna Huffington mentioned in her book strive, let’s remember to live life like everything is rick in our favor.

So no matter all the challenges, stay strong, stay confident.

That gets you a step closer to achieving your dreams.

The Bright side of building your self-esteem and confidence

hand holding up a bulb, how to build self esteem and confidence

Building self-esteem and confidence might be challenging but very beneficial.

So before we dive into the various ways in which we can develop this confidence, let’s get inspired to work for it, with a list of some few benefits of self-confidence.

  • People are more attracted to self-confident people.
  • Being self- confidence gets you the job and clients you desire.
  • It inspires you to go for the dreams you only dreamed about.
  • When you are self- confident, you will be more productive because you will be strongly inspired to work hard. You will waste no time because you are very confident of achieving your dreams if you put in the work.
  • When you are self-confident, you turn to make the right decisions. Not decisions which come from fear.

How to build your self-esteem and confidence

question sign on a board, how to build self esteem and confidence

Okay, now we are all spurred up, let’s proceed to know how to attain this fulfilling state of mind.

1. Respect yourself

respect on a hand, how to build self esteem and confidence

I strongly believe the way we treat and feel about ourselves has an impact on the way other people treat us.

And the way we allow other people to treat us has an effect on our self-esteem or confidence level.

Yes, our goal is to have a self-esteem and confidence level which is not determined by others.

( We can’t let anyone have that kind of power over us).

But sometimes we stay in situations or relationships for so long in which people treat us like garbage.

If we respect ourselves enough and know you deserve to be treated with much more respect than you are being given, then we will be more inspired to get out of the situation, even though it may be really hard.

For the longer we stay in that situation, the more our self-esteem and confidence level suffers.

The main point is just respecting yourself enough to get out of situations which have a negative effect on our self-esteem and confidence.

It could be a relationship, a job, a lifestyle, and so much more.

how to build self-esteem and confidence

2. Not quitting on your dreams

When we give up on our dreams, a thought which goes through or mind frequently is

we can’t do it, it’s impossible.

We tell ourselves, we don’t have what it takes to make it.

We tell ourselves we are not good enough or lucky enough.

This is really terrible for our self-esteem and confidence.

Achieving what you set out to do, makes you believe in your capabilities.

Needless to say, this goes a long way to builds our self-esteem and confidence.

3. Look people in the eye

a close up eye, how to build self esteem and confidence

Looking people in the eye is something which has always been scary.

There is something about eye contact, which makes us feel so self-conscious and uncomfortable.

So we can say this is not our comfort zone.

But what we will come to realize as we begin looking people in the eye is, like anything we do repeatedly it becomes easier.

One of the effects of doing something with ease which we once found scary or uncomfortable is an increase in our self-esteem and confidence.

An added bonus to this is that people will also begin to see in us a confident person.

You are not afraid to look them in the eyes, that’s very bold.

People will also find you more likable, as this means you pay attention to them.

Some people even find a lack of eye contact a sign of insincerity, dishonesty, and impoliteness.

4. Have uncomfortable conversations

girl on the phone, how to build self esteem and self confidence

Like eye contact, this is really scary to do but very advantageous.

We often find ourselves trying to shy away from uncomfortable conversations.

Most times these conversations get us closer to people.

These uncomfortable conversations are essential in business, relationships and so much more.

Yes, it’s easier to avoid them altogether.

But doing things which lead us to greater heights of success either in business or relationships, though scary will help us increase our self-esteem and confidence.

5. Stay United with Positive beliefs

Our beliefs are a part of us.

They either make us stronger or weaker.

If I believe I can do anything I set my mind towards.

I go out every day and I work hard with that believe at the back of my mind.

No matter the happenings on the way which might make me believe I might never succeed.

I will definitely achieve.

This will really help our self-esteem and confidence.

Also believing in something is very important.

Some people are religious, some are not.

But one of the most admirable thing about religious people is the confidence they have in what they can do.

A very common phrase in religious gatherings is ” I can do anything through God who strengthens me ”

6. Dress the part

a man in a suit, how to build self esteem and confidence

When I dress expensive, I feel expensive

I don’t think this is just me.

When I really love and admire my outfit, I feel so confident.

Also, remember dressing appropriately really matters to help you feel like you belong.

Wearing a suit to the beach or swimsuit for a job interview, though they might be expensive, it is a bad choice and won’t help our confidence and self-esteem levels.

7. Speak even when you are scared

a man speaking in a meeting, how to build self esteem and confidence

Here is another scary situation to help build your self-esteem and confidence level.

Saying what you wanted to say, despite all the fears you have, sends a message to yourself which is,

I don’t shy away from being heard no matter how much it scares me about how they might receive what I say.

This increases your courage.

Hence your self-esteem and confidence.

8. Take Note of your achievements

a man taking note, how to build self esteem and confidence

When you start losing your confidence as you see your friends and classmates achieving new heights in life.

You may start feeling like your life has been stagnant.

First of all, comparing ourselves to others is never a good idea.

This really has an effect on your self-esteem and confidence.

One thing we must remind ourselves of is that we all have different roads to travel at different speeds.

Secondly, your life is not at a standstill.

Just look around, some things have changed, you or the world might not consider it as significant as getting married or getting a high paying job but every positive change is important.

What we need to do is practice gratitude.

Make a least of what you are grateful for, nothing is too small to be left out of the list.

Taking note of these achievements puts you in a confident state of mind.

A state of mind which is ready to go out there and achieve more.

9. Exercise and meditate ( work on your body and soul)

woman doing yoga, how to build self esteem and confidence

Exercising gets you steps closer to the body and health you want.

Meditating works on the mind.

With meditation, you get to know yourself.

You get to know your strengths and weakness.

You get to reflect on ways to eliminate your weaknesses.

And you learn to see the bright side of the some of the flaws you can’t change.

All these go a long way to build your self-esteem and confidence.

10. Kill negative thoughts.

girl pointing a gun at man, how to build self esteem and confidence

Negative can really lead to nothing positive.

Negative thoughts about ourselves only reduce our self-esteem and confidence.

Negative thoughts about others are mostly a reflection of our own shortcomings.

So it will be best for ourselves and everyone around us to kill the negative thoughts.

True sometimes we have these thoughts frequently and sometimes it feels like we can’t control them.

From experience, I realized I have less negative thoughts when my mind is not on autopilot.

That is if I practice mindfulness.

The secret is just to focus on our present environment.

  • The road we are moving on,
  •  The movement of our toothbrush in our mouth,
  •  The taste of the food we are eating
  • And so much more.

11. Do what you say you will do

You will also want to build your confidence in yourself.

A good motto is ” when I say I will do something, I will do it

Keep your promises to yourself and others.

This will reduce your fear of not going through with what you set your mind on.

Why cause you said you will do it.

This will go a long way to build the confidence you have in yourself and your words.

And as a bonus, it will also increase the confidence others have in you.

You will become trustworthy.

how to build self esteem and confidence

Go Be legendary

Now we know some benefits and how to build self-esteem and confidence, it’s time for us to take action.

No matter how challenging it may be.

It will all be worth it when we are able to achieve our wildest dreams due to a simple character shift.

If you are a self-development enthusiast like myself and will love to share some tips or ask some questions, please feel free to do so in the comments below.


  • Chris Isaac

    Well said and encouraging. Respecting yourself is very Important because it is the way you keep yourself that other people too keep you, example if you keep yourself like a stupid person others too will keep you same way and definitely people will not count on you regarding any issues.

  • akshaysaxena

    Awesome Etah, you have highlighted very powerful 11 ways of being confident. How often we get busy with life and forget about life itself. Respecting yourself, is always my number one priority, because, if I don’t respect myself, I won’t take care of my health, family, relationships and so on. 

    However, sometimes, I feel hard to feel great. What would you suggest if our time in our workplace isn’t going accordingly, everything seems to be falling apart! And, all you need is to quit that job. How can we remain confident on such situations? 

    Thanks a lot for sharing this post, it’s a great reminder of life calling out to live it! 

    • Etah

      hi there,

      I am glad you found this post helpful.

      The first thing I always try to remember during hard times is a quote form Arianna Huffington’s book, strive ” Live life like everything is rigged in your favor”. 

      This reminds us that even the bad times are for our good.

      secondly, remember, this too shall pass.

      Also, remember tough times don’t last but tough men do.

      Stay strong and know your challenges are leading to a better more confident you.

      Ps. I have noticed the most successful, and confident people I know all have been through really tough challenges.

  • charles39

    On my behalf, I will say this is the greatest article I have seen this month and more so when I felt kind my esteem is on a free fall and you can’t imagine how grateful I am now knowing that I can regain my self-esteem back and while doing so be better person than I am now.

    • Etah

      I am so excited for you, Charles.

      You have the mindset for success.

      the mindset which not only attracts what you need for improvement but also ready to do the work.

      All the best to you.

      You can do it.

  • Paul

    Dear Etah,

    Thanks a lot for the insightful & inspiring post and I got helpful insights from your post.

    The 11 life-changing ways you shared is very helpful and helped me to make a self analysis.

    To be honest, I am missing a lot and need to implement and work on many things. “Dress the part” is an eye-opener for me and so far I didn’t paid much attention on it but going forward I will. 

    Once I read only few fail because of not planning or wrong planning but lot of people fail because of not implementing what they planned. Your motto “when I say I will do something, I will do it” is motivating and I am going to write it on the wall above my computer in my office room.

    Positive beliefs, killing negative thoughts and exercise & meditation (Actually this is on my to do list for years) are the things I am going to focus and implement from today.

    Much Success!


    • Etah

      Wow, Paul.

      I loved reading your comment.

      It warms my heart, you are willing to take really helpful steps like writing the motto on the wall above your computer and beginning to dress the part.

      That’s the way to go.

      we are all working progress, the most important thing is being willing to do the work.

      all the best to you.

  • Nuttanee

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing such an empowering tips to boost our self-esteem. In this perfectionist society, we set our bar high and when we do not reach it, we beat ourselves up about it. We are supposed to work hard and be successful without letting others know that we work so hard lol Personally, I have stopped comparing myself to others. I only compare between my past self to my current self. By the way, I have a fun fact to share. I grew up in Thailand and in Thai culture, looking at the elders in the eye while we speak to them is considered rude. So, when they talk to us we are supposed to look the other way but listen to them. It confused me a little bit when I moved to the States. Great post 🙂

    • Etah

      hello Nuttanee,

      I really enjoyed reading your comment and I could relate to your experience.

      In my culture, in Cameroon, the rules about looking people in the eye are also really confusing. At home, you get yelled at for looking adults in the eyes but when you get into the job market or the business world, you are encouraged to look people (including adults) in the eye to develop trust.

      Really confusing 🙂

      Comparing ourselves only to our past selves is definitely the way to go.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *